College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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