oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
