guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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