So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
