my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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