The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
