I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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