i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
