I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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