i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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