Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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