You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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