Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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