Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
