think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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