Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
