My room smells like vodka and shame
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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