u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
