I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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