Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The air was thick with penises
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
