hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
