mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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