Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
