We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
