I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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