he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
