No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
