I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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