I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
