I need help removing her.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
