Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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