ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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