Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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