? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
