I wish my penis had an off switch
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
