i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize