If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Watching her eat just hurts me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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