Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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