dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
