'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize