I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
