I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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