shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
