I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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