I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
