i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
