He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
