Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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