... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
