Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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