your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
