farters have to be the big spoon...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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