I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
