I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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