well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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