I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so much tequila, so little girl.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
