Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
