planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
