just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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