just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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