Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
