So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
