The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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