I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
