just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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